Dating a quiet guy
For foreign women it’s a completely different story.Japanese men seem to expect certain things from a woman. “He’s a director,” I told my friend L., absently fiddling with the lighter in my hand. We went to Club 33 at Disneyland and he treated me to couples massages and pool time at the Four Seasons spa. I was starting to wonder what our relationship would look like when it became a story for four, instead of two. He gave me tennis lessons and I dragged him to yoga class. But my favorite thing was always cuddling on the couch and talking.And at the same time there’s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them. Maybe that’s a secret we’ll never quite get, but there are many theories!A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them. Before we start talking about “Dating in Japan” one thing should be crystal clear: If you’ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there’s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women. However, be warned: If you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place. You certainly won’t find that here – and not from a foreign girl like me!
They’re not afraid of showing their feelings in public or telling their girls flat out how they feel about them. The extreme version of this is known as “gaijin hunter” and some will do everything for the sake of having one of those adorable “half”-kids (half Western, half Japanese) just to toss their foreign guy later on.Mine is special but unclear, constantly negotiated. I don’t want to be Mom, but maybe someday I’ll be more than “Dad’s girlfriend” to them.For now, I’m just available, playful in my own way, and practicing patience.Wait for them to come to you.”The advice came from my dear friend Jennifer, who has a stepfamily of her own and understands that it takes time and patience to blend and bond. Months later, in a quiet moment, I told the girls as much, and let them know it’s OK to have any range of feelings about all this. But life had gotten busy, and for a few days I was swiping right on Coffee Meets Bagel without my normal due diligence. Both seemed nice, but I was having trouble keeping them... Like a puppy dog, I wanted to cuddle up to them and play, but I remembered her advice not to overwhelm them, so I pretended like this was all no big deal, and tried to find the feline inside.